READER SUBMISSION: Hide yo kids! Hide yo wife!

‘Kay’ writes in:

A friend of 10 years, we were close enough that I considered her family, has recently proven to be manipulative and dishonest.  She started a home business, which I supported and promoted in an attempt to help her and her son have a financially stable life.  She even befriended some of my friends on Facebook, who also supported her by placing orders for her products.  Now, it turns out that she has taken their money (and mine) and not followed through.

After ignoring several emails from me and my friends, she has continued to post on Facebook as if we weren’t able to see her do so.  I emailed the “friend”again and asked her what the hell she’s doing and why she is taking people’s money and not delivering the goods. I asked if she plans to address this very serious issue.  I received no response, and she has been silent on all social media sites ever since.

When one of my best friends sent me a text message that she was also ripped off, that was the last straw.  I take theft very, very seriously, and I can’t stand a liar.  I have started deleting photo albums and conversations on social media.  I plan to unlike her business page and issue a warning to my friends, and I am prepared to never speak to her again.  Am I being too catty?

Dear ‘Kay’,

All we can say is WOW.  This might be our easiest question to answer to date!   You asked, “Am I being too catty?”  Our answer is very simply, “No!”
No one should take your money.  However we do have some recommendations about how to proceed in officially “un-friending” this little thief on Facebook AND in real life should that be your wish.

First let’s discuss communication.  Email and Facebook messages only go so far – have you tried calling or did she steal your dialing fingers, too?   Facebook is wonderful, but for the deep stuff we recommend more intimate communication.  It is possible she is experiencing an overwhelming financial crisis and is unsure of how to proceed.  If you consider this “friend” to be like family (we will address that in a moment) then you should at least attempt a phone call.  Deleting pictures from Facebook will not erase your feeling of betrayal.  If she continues to ignore you after you have tried to call or meet up that is on her.  Write her off, cut a bitch, whatever — she is not a friend.

So, let’s talk about true friendship.  We know relationships are complicated and people are not perfect BUT we cannot reconcile your two descriptions of the same person.  You consider her family, but it doesn’t sound like you are real friends unless ‘Manipulative’ is her nickname.  Someone who manipulates is a frenemy and occupying the same life space for ten years does not equal family.  Evaluate why you feel this way because it sounds like this may be the cherry on top of some long-harbored resentment that has been festering in your bowels like Mexican food during a hangover.

But back to the problem at hand.  You have been embarrassed by your endorsement and have every right to retract that endorsement to protect others from making the same mistake.  The world has become a very busy place, and social media is great, but is in not the gold standard for true communication and should absolutely never become the vessel for ending a friendship.  Attempt a phone call or face to face because, as nice as it may sound, solving a problem is never just as easy as pressing the “delete” button.

Even if she explains and redeems herself, we would suggest never doing business with her again.

All our best and good luck,
The Team

6 responses to “READER SUBMISSION: Hide yo kids! Hide yo wife!

  1. there IS the possibility that whatever ‘work from home’ scheme she fell for is not delivering to her. she may have been “taken” as well. Talk to her. Or at least try a face-to-face. good luck

  2. Wow. Also I was thinking, depending on the dollar amount you may be legally required to report her! Are we talking tens, hundreds, or thousands?

  3. @Shelly Tens. @Geralyn It was her own homemade products, not a work from home scheme she bought into. It was stuff she was making herself. @ The Team: Thank you for your response. I wasn’t calling her family and a manipulator simultaneously. Once she started scamming people, she was no longer family. I wasn’t doing business with her on Facebook, only my friends were. I know her live and in person, but they don’t. She is not responding to any messages from any form of contact from me or them. She lives in another state now and I am unable to go there to discuss this face to face. I blocked her on Social Media to try to force her to respond by phone or email. So far, that hasn’t worked. It’s incredibly sad that she would ruin a 10 year friendship for less than $100. There is no justification for stealing people’s money, no matter what she’s going through. Again, thanks for the advice.

    • Kay, thanks again for writing in. Your additional information helps us understand the situation better. Understand we weren’t aware you had already attempted calling. And once again, we also feel she is definitely in the wrong. YOU ARE NOT BEING TOO CATTY! Good luck! We hope she wakes up soon and salvages your friendship. – AIBC Team

    • Kay, you do what you need to do, girl. If she hasn’t responded to you and you’ve given her ample time to do so, you are 1011% (not a math person, just go with it) justified in escalating your response to include cutting. her out of your life.

      And you’re right, it’s sad to ruin a ten-year friendship over $100. But, from a different perspective, you can be glad the lesson learned was a pretty cheap one.

  4. Kay – I want to echo my AIBC Team Members. Especially after hearing your additional info! Stealing is never the right thing. And I applaud your attempt for F2F communication. I hate to say it, but this sounds like an example of “people come into our lives for a reason, a season, etc…” and it is likely that this friend’s “season” has ended. Good luck going forward, and thanks for asking for our input. You weren’t being catty at all.

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