Reality television remains a popular source of entertainment for millions of Americans. Yet, there are those who scorn it. I believe that Americans both love and hate reality shows for the same reason: drama. I love it — from Season 1, Episode 1 of The Real World, to the final season of Intervention; from Honey Boo-Boo to Big Brother.
I know it seems weird that on an anti-bitchy blog, I’m going to admit that I am hooked on reality television for the drama, but it would be hypocritical of me to deny it. Reality television gives me much of the same drama as some people in my FB contacts — friends I keep because I just love reading how they’ve slaughtered their lives (and the English language) each week.
As an admitted Reality TV junkie, I feel that I should be accepted by the court as an expert witness when I state that Simon Cowell exhibits qualities that allow me to argue that he may be the Cattiest Bitch on Television.
Seriously, Kara? you respond. Have you not seen the Real Housewives of Anywhere in the World yet?
I know, I know! But, they’re spoiled, rich women. You expect it! Simon is just a nasty little bitch! Think about it. From Britain’s Got Talent to American Idol to the X-Factor, he’s got something hateful to say. Constructive criticism is a concept Mr. Cowell simply can’t grasp. Doubt me? Look at this.
AND he slept with his best friend’s significant other!!! Who does that? Catty bitches do. That’s who. And Hester Prynne. And Brangelina. But, I digress.
And now that he’s knocked her up and she’s dealing with the fall-out from the media and her husband, Simon the Honorable pulls out (which he should have probably done TO BEGIN WITH):
And if those aren’t enough, he has an ego the size of this pimple I over-squeezed before work this morning.
But, in reality — I’ve never seen another human manage sporting a buzz-cut and a butt-cut at the same time.
To be fair, I found one other television celebrity to match his personality, charm, and looks.
So there’s my nomination. If you can think of even one human being more deserving of the title, I’d love to hear it. Who do you think is the cattiest in Hollywood?