Most of my life I have always viewed myself as fat, I was quite thin when I was younger but then my body began to change around the time I hit 9th grade. That was about the time I developed what my son calls, my two stomachs. Now I know that endearing term sounds sweet and oddly reminiscent of that wonderful sitcom starring a young Paul Reiser but I swear my jelly roll is not as entertaining.
This piece was difficult for me to articulate, it is hard to admit to strangers that you’re fat. I know I’m overweight, I can feel it when I try on the skinny jeans that reside at the top of my closet, but somehow I think I have you all hoodwinked. I have learned how to dress appropriately, I know the fabrics and key words to avoid when ordering from catalogs. While you might be able to see that I am overweight you can’t really tell how bad the train wreck has become.
I thought I had all of these insecurities under wraps, until I caught myself trying to hold my shirt away from my spare tire as I walked through a parking lot on a windy day. I was afraid someone would see my secret – my fat. Then it happened, it was like a light bulb appeared on the top of my head as I thoughtfully crossed the automatic doors of Walmart.
I am fat. I have a spare tire. Do I really think that this t-shirt is the perfect camouflage and no one can see the extra 30 lbs I am carting around these days??
In just over a year I have lost a little over 30 lbs, and while that is no small feat, I still have a little over 20 lbs to go before I feel I will be in my healthy range. I am a member of a karate dojo and have been actively trying to achieve my weight-loss and fitness goals. I shouldn’t feel ashamed anymore, I am shooting for the moon and I am getting pretty close to grasping at the stars.
I will no longer let my muffin top make me feel like a bad person; a person that should be ashamed when the cool breeze caresses her plump face. The extra toddler sized weight I carry around every day doesn’t make me less of a person; it doesn’t make me an unfit parent or bad friend. It’s just weight. While it might have leased space around my waistband, I ensure it’s a short lease – one I don’t plan on upholding.
For now I am going to wake up every day and do at least one good thing for myself. I’m going to make sure I keep these legs moving. I have a life to live, people to love, and an image of health to promote for my son. While I might not be who I want to be yet, I can go to bed at night knowing I tried my hardest to be more than the woman with two stomachs.
#mymuffintopisallthat #yeahimfatsowhat #thewomanwithtwostomachs