My Two Stomachs.

Most of my life I have always viewed myself as fat, I was quite thin when I was younger but then my body began to change around the time I hit 9th grade.  That was about the time I developed what my son calls, my two stomachs.  Now I know that endearing term sounds sweet and oddly reminiscent of that wonderful sitcom starring a young Paul Reiser but I swear my jelly roll is not as entertaining.

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This piece was difficult for me to articulate, it is hard to admit to strangers that you’re fat.  I know I’m overweight, I can feel it when I try on the skinny jeans that reside at the top of my closet, but somehow I think I have you all hoodwinked.  I have learned how to dress appropriately, I know the fabrics and key words to avoid when ordering from catalogs.  While you might be able to see that I am overweight you can’t really tell how bad the train wreck has become.

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I even know where to put my hands in a picture, it’s all in the position.

I thought I had all of these insecurities under wraps, until I caught myself trying to hold my shirt away from my spare tire as I walked through a parking lot on a windy day.  I was afraid someone would see my secret – my fat.  Then it happened, it was like a light bulb appeared on the top of my head as I thoughtfully crossed the automatic doors of Walmart.

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I am fat.  I have a spare tire.  Do I really think that this t-shirt is the perfect camouflage and no one can see the extra 30 lbs I am carting around these days??

In just over a year I have lost a little over 30 lbs, and while that is no small feat, I still have a little over 20 lbs to go before I feel I will be in my healthy range.  I am a member of a karate dojo and have been actively trying to achieve my weight-loss and fitness goals.  I shouldn’t feel ashamed anymore, I am shooting for the moon and I am getting pretty close to grasping at the stars.

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I will no longer let my muffin top make me feel like a bad person; a person that should be ashamed when the cool breeze caresses her plump face.  The extra toddler sized weight I carry around every day doesn’t make me less of a person; it doesn’t make me an unfit parent or bad friend.  It’s just weight.  While it might have leased space around my waistband, I ensure it’s a short lease – one I don’t plan on upholding.

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For now I am going to wake up every day and do at least one good thing for myself.  I’m going to make sure I keep these legs moving.  I have a life to live, people to love, and an image of health to promote for my son.  While I might not be who I want to be yet, I can go to bed at night knowing I tried my hardest to be more than the woman with two stomachs.

— NinjaKitty

#mymuffintopisallthat  #yeahimfatsowhat  #thewomanwithtwostomachs

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One response to “My Two Stomachs.

  1. you are lovely just the way you are … and don’t forget to remember that geneology plays a part and none of us (in our gene line) will ever 5’9′, blonde, and with 2% body fat. ain’t gonna’ happen. people love you just the way you are and i am one of ’em. You can be catty to other folks, but NOT to ‘my’ NinjaKitty!!!!

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