PSA: Another question that is better left unasked.

facepalm

A while ago I promised you a post on another “no-no” all women should be made aware of and I am here to put in writing what many of us want to scream from the rooftops…

Don’t ask me if I’m pregnant!

This very thing has happened to me on several occasions; my favorite story to tell involved a stranger dropping a bomb on me at work.  There I was doing my job when a grinning Nosey Nellie loudly asked, “When are you due, dear?  It must be soon.”

At first, my mind couldn’t figure out what she said.  I mean, I wasn’t even near her.  From more than 8 feet away, this bellowing beast threw a wicked curveball that dropped me to my knees.

I felt my face turn red and I nearly ran to the fitting room to hide from the twelve or so people who were within earshot.  Suddenly my mouth opened and I was projecting my voice better than I ever did in drama.  “No I am not pregnant!  I am just fat.  Thank you for pointing that out!” I bellowed.

Immediately she too turned red and stammered, “There was no reason to embarrass me.  You could have answered politely.”

I was appalled.  I thought I was being very polite.  Even though she deserved it, I clenched my teeth tightly to avoid really letting her have it.

yourass

After taking several deep breaths, I smiled and nodded as several female onlookers celebrated the victory they witnessed.  I shamefully walked off to the stockroom where I cried for the next thirty minutes.

She broke a cardinal rule of polite behavior – she didn’t think before she spoke.  Did she consider that I could have been a woman dealing with fertility issues, I could have been unhappily pregnant, I could have been carrying an unviable pregnancy to term.

She got off easy.  I was just an overweight, full-time college student who would spent the next 3 months eating her feelings in response to this unwarranted attack.

These questions people fire off like an M-16 are personal questions.  These questions come with emotional price tags, and they should go unasked.

when-its-okay-to-ask-a-woman-if-shes-pregnant-460x322

If you don’t know people well enough to ask what sexual position is their favorite, maybe you should refrain from asking them when they are going to have children or if they are pregnant.  Maybe you should just talk about the politics or religion.

– NinjaKitty

#notpregnantjustfat  #keepittoyourself  #betterleftunasked

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3 responses to “PSA: Another question that is better left unasked.

  1. This happened to me at a fellowship event AFTER CHURCH. These women (who actually do volunteer work at the church) asked me when I’m due. When I said I wasn’t pregnant, the woman said, “There I go again. I did this once before. When will I learn?” and I replied that she should probably NEVER ask anyone if they’re pregnant. And then the rest of the old farts in the group (four of them) proceeded to joke about it, how embarrassed they are to be seen with her, etc. but they were all laughing. Mind, you these are people in their 70s cackling like mean junior high assholes, people who collect the money at church and help people find seats. They wear nametags that identify them as part of the church’s ministry. Unbelievable.

  2. Guilt. Shame. Mortification. A friend & I ran into each other at a consignment sale. She had a 5 yo & a 1 yo at the time & was looking at gender-neutral NB pajamas. Hug, hug, kiss, kiss, how are yous, etc & we start talking about the clothing sizes we needed for each of our daughters. My friend, a petite, thin person, had, at the time, a rounder abdomen than I remembered from the last time I’d seen her & was wearing an empire waist, gathered shirt. She rubbed her belly & said, “This one will have long legs so no hand-me-downs will work!” My brain clicks – NB pjs, round belly, empire waist, gathers, rubbing belly, “this one will have long legs”….I thought I was safe to exclaim “You’re pregnant!” My cheeks are turning red remembering it bc then I RUBBED HER BELLY! She gritted her teeth & said, “NO! You’re the 3rd person to suggest that; I’m burning this shirt!” I was horrified (removing my hand as if from a flame)! I stammered, “But newborn pajamas”. She huffed, “For my cousin”. I stuttered, “b-b-but you’re rubbing your belly”. She narrowed her eyes as she said, “This horrid shirt makes my skin itch.” I attempted one more defense, “You said ‘This one will have long legs’!” She jerked the hand she was holding of her youngest child & spat, “THIS ONE WILL HAVE LONGER LEGS THAN HER SISTER!”. I apologized & left the building too guilty to even shop anymore. I sent flowers to her work the next day with a note, “To my beautiful friend! From your now mute friend.” Despite all the signs I’d misinterpreted, I embarrassed both of us. I’ve been forgiven & we laugh about it now but I learned a lesson at both of our expenses – I’ll never guess at gestation again regardless of how many hints I think I see. If you want me to acknowledge your growing belly, you better hang a banner, shout it, or send me an invite to the shower.

  3. I agree with each and every conclusions made on this topic. It is really very informative. Thanks for sharing information on consignment .

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