Comebacks I Wish I Had Said

Have you ever been in the situation where you were thoroughly insulted and left the incident disgusted not only with the person who had thrown the dagger your way but at yourself for not having the quick wit to recant? I have been in that situation a million times and always had THE BEST comeback, only twenty minutes too late. I would wallow in self-loathing and self-pity while licking my wounds and sharing in my misery with one of my best friends. She too would offer a few helpful comebacks as we both could relate all too well.

I decided I would shelf some of my favorite come-backs for a later date, maybe to use on someone who had offended me or to share on a friend’s behalf. Some of the best I have discovered are as follows (in no specific order):

1) You do realize Makeup is not going to fix your stupidity?

2) Are you always an idiot, or just when I am around?

3) I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I just cannot seem to get my head that far up my ass.

4) You are proof that God has a sense of humor.

5) I am not going to get into a battle of wits with you; I never attack anyone who is unarmed.

6) I don’t exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I’d drink it.

7) I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

8) If you said what you thought, you’d be speechless.

9) Is your family happy, or do you go home at night?

10) Thinking isn’t your strong point, is it?

11) Did you eat paint chips as a kid?

12) If I promise to miss you, would you go away?

13) Bitch you’re like Monday, nobody likes you.

I keep this collection in vain it seems. Because as much as I would like to believe I could insult someone without feeling remorse or guilt, that will never be the case.

Just when I think I am truly ready to let someone have it, my Mother’s voice sounds off in my mind “Dahlin’, you will never right a wrong with another wrong.” I assume she is correct, but I know it sure would feel nice to have just one moment of glory to redeem myself for each and every time I have felt the sting of an insult. Until then, I will continue to keep a handy stash of insults in my arsenal just in case the opportunity arises and I feel inclined to ignore my better upbringing.


AIBC Team Member ‘1wittykitty’



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