It’s that time again, people! The game is on, and so is the pressure to ensure no penalties or injuries to the home team while your friends watch from the sidelines and eat all the hot wings. Did last year’s half-time showdown with the wife or girlfriend over you getting pizza on the couch follow you around the office the rest of the year? If you want to avoid the man-shaming of half a football game missed due to a severe tongue-lashing in front of a crowd, pay attention. These five tips just might save your life this weekend.
1.) Say it with me: “Wow, baby! This is the best party food EVER!” We don’t care if the beer is flat and the pizza cost $1 from the grocery store freezer, scarf it down like it’s tailgate heaven and say thank you. Double that lip service if the brownies you’re eating are cut out in the shape of footballs.
If they’re smart, you shouldn’t have a hard time convincing your buddies to do the same. She’s probably resisting the urge to poison the whole lot of you for what you’re doing to the house right now.
2.) Don’t you DARE patronize her football IQ.
This is definitely a first time, no warnings needed 15-yard personal foul. And that’s when there’s no Midol involved. If she asks why they call the Seahawks fans the 12th man or why they called unnecessary roughness, try to inform without making her feel like a complete idiot. She’s trying to learn more about what you’re interested in, man. Recognize!
3.) Get your paci or suck it up. This may be hard to believe, but it really is just a game. There are no lives staked on the outcome of the Super Bowl this weekend (we hope), and there is nothing worse than a big baby on the sidelines.
If your favorite quarterback knew how worked up you were getting about that dropped pass, he’d probably knock you the fanboy out. So your team is down by two touchdowns and your fantasy football league team is suffering…that’s no excuse for making everyone else in the room want to duct tape your mouth or throw you out in the rain. Cheer for your team. Win or lose. They’re doing their best. Why don’t you do yours to keep a stiff upper lip?
4.) Don’t be a d-bag. We realize there’s a game clouding your judgement right now, but try to think about the other people in the room.
The friends and/or family cheering around you came to enjoy the game and your company. If you take the know-it all ESPN announcer or über fan role too far, that buddy you keep ribbing a little too hard about his team or the uncle you’ve made sure knows he has no clue about football stats may flip you off when you invite them back next year.
5.) Stick a sock in it.
We sat through the first half and left you alone, now give us the halftime show. The talking heads will give us a report in a sec. Can’t we just hear the Grammy Award winners set to entertain us right now? We don’t need you to recap every detail of the last four minutes of play. We were sitting right here watching, remember? Pipe down and let Bruno and the Chili Peppers do their thing.
By the way, boys…while you’re here, be sure to take our poll on why you do Super Bowl Sunday at https://amibeingcatty.wordpress.com/2014/01/31/aibcs-super-bowl-poll/. You did get the memo that you’re hosting the girls night out chick flick festival at your house next weekend, right?